drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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