my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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