I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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