I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
