I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize