Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
