if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
