Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
