Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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