I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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