She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Everyone says I win the strip club
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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