RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
