Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
