I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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