You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
