they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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