What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
