community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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