it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
