Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
