I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
