Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
