youre lurking in front of me
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
There's even glitter on my cock...
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