You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Randomize
