I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
