He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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