The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
She's the barista slut.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
What drink are we having for lunch?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
