Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Randomize
