my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I'm always down for nudity.
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