Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
