I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
