things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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