It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
