I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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