And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
