Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize