i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
