hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
