none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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