Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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