I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
