my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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