sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Randomize
