Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
