He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
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