It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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