I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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