My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize