Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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