we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
