Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
