she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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