Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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