i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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