Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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