bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
