$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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