If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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