and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Semen is not good for contacts.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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