She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
