I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
