5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
