I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Found your dick twin last night
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
