FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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