it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Apparently you make a good broom.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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