So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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