he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
whose parrot is this?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Randomize
