Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
